I’m back, it’s Millie with Millie in the City with the number one dating and relationship forum in the Washington, DC Metropolitan area. Now that we have gotten that out the way, I want to discuss Men for a moment and their need Respect. I was having a conversation this past weekend with the Assistant Manager of the Bela Dona Band and he explained to men that all Men need is Respect so I decided to explore this respect thing a little further. So, in honor of that, this article is appropriately titled: All Men need is Respect….Really?
Well ladies, I am here to tell ya that there is one thing that is more important to a man than your love. Unfortunately for us, a lot of men feel they are not getting enough of it. If you were thinking that all men need is SEX then you would be dead wrong. (They need SEX yes, but there is something a weeeee more important)
The ONE thing men want more than your love is your RESPECT – I mean, who knew!
So why do you think Respect is so important to men? I was approached with this topic so lets explore this the right way.
My first question becomes this: Are a lot of men secretly harboring massive insecurities about not being worthy enough or not having what it takes to be a “real man” no matter how self-assured men may appear on the outside? Moreover, underneath that confident exterior, your man may be feeling helpless, dumb, unattractive, weak, or boring. Just maybe, he is looking to you to either confirm or deny his fears. A lot of how he feels inside comes from how he sees himself in your eyes.
I remember reading somewhere in a survey that over 40% of men feel unappreciated by their significant others or families and if the man in your life is not feeling respected by you, whose opinion matters to him most, how is he meant to gain the respect of anyone else? For him to feel loved and worthy as a man, he needs to feel respected by you. And for him to feel respected, he needs for you to show him your respect equally in times when you are happy with him and when you are feeling frustrated.
OKAY LADIES NOW LET’S GET IN FORMATION! Whoops, I was thinking about Beyoncé but I know what your question is “Don’t we all want respect”? Love and respect are important to all of us in a relationship, don’t get me wrong; it is just that women usually do not realize just how important respect is to a man, and how it affects his feelings of love and commitment towards YOU. Of course your man wants your love. It is just that if he had to choose between the two, it would be less soul-destroying for him to lose your love than your respect. I am not sure if this is hard for us women to understand, when generally the number one thing we are looking out for in a relationship are signs of our man’s love. Now, what I would be thinking to myself “but doesn’t he already know I respect him”? Sometimes we may think that we already respect our man, but I feel that we would be really surprised to find out that he might not always see it that way because he needs for you to actually show him.
Here is the thing that might be hard; he might not actually be able to tell you when he is feeling a lack of respect. Instead, what you will see is ‘unnecessary’ displays of anger in a minor disagreement, or being given the cold shoulder for seemingly no reason. Does this ring any bells for you ladies? No matter how much you love your man, be wary that there may be times where you are showing him disrespect without even being aware of it.
Here are some ways you can consciously start showing him your respect (and your love) in a big way:
- Try Trusting his judgment – Now this is a big one! Trusting his judgment is all about affirming his decisions without questioning them, within reason of course! This may mean taking things into perspective letting little things slide – will it really matter if his way is a bit more complicated than your way? Regrettably, all too often we tend to question his decisions even without realizing it. We may think we are being helpful in offering an alternative or asking him to explain his reasoning, but really what we are doing is deflating his ego through self-doubt. If you can, within reason of course, assume he is doing things for the best reasons, rather than jumping straight to the critique. We all make mistakes, but if you allow him to handle his with grace he will be forever grateful—trust me! Here are some phrases that might make your life and HIS a little easier: “You are right” “I trust you, worries” “That does sound like the best way to do it”
Now of course, if you do strongly disagree with a judgment-call of your partner’s, you most certainly have the right to voice your opinion and suggest an alternative. Here is the catch, try and treat his ego as gently as you can while you do this.
- Try to start asking him for help and advice – A great way of showing your man that you respect and value his input is by asking for his help and advice. No we all know us independent women often want to get things done by ourselves and are perfectly capable of making our own decisions (he knows this perfectly), it can actually be really nice to have the perspective of someone else every once in a while. For example, try saying this: “Hey sweetie, I have having some trouble figuring something out lately, and I could really use your help. What do you think about…?” I know for me, I surely do not want to seem like a damsel in distress who is incompetent of making her own decisions. However, as for me in this instance I know I could try making it a conscious effort to ask your man for his input every once in a while, and be sure to thank him after. Helping you will make him feel good, and will really enhance feelings of closeness in your relationship.
- Allow him to complete Do It Yourself tasks – When something needs to be done at home, how about not calling in the professional immediately. Now, it may take your man longer, he may make mistakes along the way, but fixing things himself will give him a real sense of success and worthiness. DIY tasks are something that all a lot of men enjoy, so try to leave these challenges open for him. You need not to worry if it gets to the point where a professional does need to take a look, trust me, your guy will arrange this themselves.
- Showing your appreciation go a long way – “Thank you so much for doing that, sweetheart, I really appreciate it.” Sometimes we do not realize that a simple ‘thank you’ can do so much in making your man feel worthy and valued, appreciated and respected. Better yet, it will make him more likely to continue to do these things in future.
- Acknowledge his success – This is strictly about recognizing his achievements, and focusing on acknowledging and rewarding what he has done well, rather than criticizing what he has not done. Try saying that you are proud of him, it can go a long way. Hearing those words will make him feel the same way as you do when you hear “I love you”. I swear I am not joking right now!
- Compliments to every criticism – If you find yourself criticizing just as often as you are praising, then you will either need to let a lot more things slide (pick your battles), or you need to start noticing more of the positive things he does and actively show this appreciation whenever you can.
In conclusion and number Seven is equally important:
- You must show respect in Public – There is nothing that will make your man feel more loved than publicly displaying your respect and appreciation for him. You can do this by letting others know how well he did at something, or by talking about a way in which he has helped you recently. He may try to downplay this or show a little embarrassment, but on the inside he will be glowing (in the most masculine way of course! lol). Mental Note: Please note that the flipside of this, which is also highly important, is to choose to hold your tongue if you disagree with something he says or does in public. Instead, wait until you are in private before you bring it up. There is nothing that will cut your man more deeply than being criticized or demeaned by you in front of his friends, colleagues or family. Even that light teasing you thought was funny may actually have felt humiliating for him – always look out for signs he might be feeling uncomfortable.
He will really appreciate it if you save any constructive criticism for later when you are alone, and will also be a lot more prepared to take in your advice. It’s a win-win for you!
Millie Holmes can be reached by email at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Social Media:
Facebook: Millie Holmes
Facebook Page: Millie in the City Matchmaking