Inquiring minds want to know!


I’m back, it’s that time again for Ask Millie, better known as the Black Dear Abby.  Here is the relationship question of the week.  Yesterday, I wrote an article on the reasons why black men are not dating black women anymore.  As you may have guessed, this caused quite an uproar.  Since then, I have been getting emails for a number of black women asking the Black Men what they really want from them.  So, I respectfully titled this Ask Millie column:  Inquiring minds want to know!

I first want to thank all the black women that sent me an email.  The following are some tips, from Black Men, on what they want and need form their black women:

It has been said that Black Men have delicate egos (as a direct result of the racism, oppression and systematic discrimination they face daily).  This is from everything from employment to education, Black men are constantly being told they can’t measure up so…..

Tip 1 – Black women need to be aware of the power of their words. Black men remember the negative comments a woman makes about them as if they’d been trademarked in their brain.

In general, black men are possessive about their women.  Now hold on, no one is speaking about the kind of man who goes crazy or nuts when another man speaks to his girlfriend at a party. What I am talking about is when a Black man is being possessive, he saying: hands off-don’t touch my woman. She’s mine, she’s mine, she’s mine damnit—nobody else’s so…..

Tip 2 – A Black Man expects you to be his exclusively.  When a Black man is in love with a woman, he is very territorial about her.

For many of us, love and sex are separate issues.  From what I have researched, experts agree that unlike most women, most men can make love without loving. It has been said that physically, men and women have different needs, unlike most women; many men will have sex simply for the sake of a physical release. Often times when the boys get together, they just talk about the physical side of having sex.  Whereas, little girls learn about sex in the framework of closeness and love. Boys really do not even begin to hear about that until much later in life, if ever! It is safe to say that women should not assume because a man wants to sleep with her—that wants to marry her. If some women would just get that one fact, it truly would save a lot of misunderstandings, misinterpretation’s, arguments and feeling being hurt so…..

Tip 3 – Black men do not want black women to come on too strong.  Most men I have spoken with say women who come on strong are generally a turn-off!  A hint is more seductive than a flagrant proposition: Being flirtatious is one hundred times better than being obvious.  I believe that most men want to make the first move and, whether they admit it or not, they unintentionally bring this expectation to their romantic encounters.

I hear Black men complain frequently that Black women do not delight in their femininity as much as they would like.  This does not mean that Black Men want women to act fragile, weak and helpless every time they’re around them however, black men find a black woman more appealing when they celebrate the differences in the sexes; women who aren’t embarrassed or defiant about being women but instead delight in it so…..

Tip 4 – Black men want black women to revel in their femininity.  It truly makes a man feel totally masculine—it’s simply like have their yin and their yang.  Black men need to have black women make them men feel needed.

In conclusion ladies, black men are like other men in that they are simple creatures. Yes, they see with the eyes and are impacted by your physical being first. Reminder black women (and of course—all women), we were created in such a way as to be attractive to black men.  However, once men get past initial physical attraction, there are attributes and intangibles that they cannot see with the naked eye—characteristics, words etc. which are far more important — that help to create those lasting emotional bonds







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Millie Holmes

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