I’m back, it’s Millie with Millie in the City with the number one dating and relationship forum in the Washington, DC Metropolitan area. Now that we have gotten that out the way, I want to discuss the men that think Chivalry is dead as well. From my conversations in the just the past few days with men have been quite interesting and most of them are all saying the same thing. So in honor of that, this article is appropriately titled: Men think Chivalry is dead too!
Well, we all know that we live in the hookup culture and yes we all know that it is pretty obvious that chivalry is completely dead. Yes, grandparents and parents were old fashioned, I grew up back in the day in a middle-class environment, as a woman, I was preached the value of chivalry and etiquette. I would like to believe that my brothers, cousins and males friends growing up learned valuable lessons from their grandmother, mothers and aunts, either verbally or via the other means of learning (this is a nice way of learning by way of belts or switches).
It seems like, at least from the men I have spoken with, that it is utterly and completely impossible for men to do what most people consider the normal chivalrous thing to do. Although I am desperately trying to get dating back for my singles I feel that, in most people eyes, chivalry is DONE! Really, who goes on dates anymore? Well, let’s at least cross your fingers for the launch of my Good Date Series happening in October 2016, but for now, I sometimes find, it is all about hooking up, getting a number, grabbing a drink and getting down and dirty (lol). The more and more I talk to Single men, a lot of them feel that they are the only single guys that actually take a woman out to a restaurant on a first date.
These men are saying that there is a reason for this:
If you take a woman out and show her you that you are more than some douche bag looking to just get in her pants, chances are, you are going to get a second date. Again, men are saying that they are old fashioned and that a nice dinner is worth the money to get to know someone to some extent. The men I talk to also say that it is not about the money, and I totally get why people are stingy when it comes to going out with people they do not know. I get it, everything costs money but what is really the difference. You treat yourself all the time to a good meal, and if the company is good, why the heck wouldn’t you take a girl out to a nice dinner?
All I know is, the more I look around, the less I see men treating women the way that most, I know, were raised to. I mean what happened to paying for dinners and drinks? What happened to pulling out chairs and holding doors? What happened to walking on the outside, closest to the street and all that jazz? Where did the men lose their chivalrous touch? When did it become acceptable to just text a girl, inviting her to come to just have sex or disquiset it with the Netflix & Chill debacle of 2015 & 2016?
I think, in an ever-changing landscape of communication between 140 character tweets, LOLs, SMH’s, IDK’s, and ROTFLs, we have lost our ability to communicate, altogether. I really do say this all the time, I swear. You go to a noisy club or bar and expect to get to know someone new, when all you really wind up with is uninteresting small talk. We do not take the time to get to really know people anymore and that’s why you see relationships and marriages failing at a 50 percent rate. Eventually, push is going to come to shove here, and I did figure it would have happened by now, but for some reason, it just has not.
The statements that are to follow I know for sure, will get me in hot water but it must be said. Men are saying the real problem here is that women, for one reason or another, have become complacent, smug, and content and have allowed men to get away with adhering to the bare minimum. Men no longer have to put in the effort of flowers, chocolates, dates, etc., and if they do, they come off as “pressed, stalkers, desperate or just a plain nerds”. In most cases, if a man takes you out to a nice dinner, it maybe because he is a nice gentleman and he looks forward to spending time with you somewhere other than the bedroom.
In conclusion and in the interim, I do feel that women will wise up and start asking for the things that they deserve, the things used to be automatic and expected of men, like holding a door, pulling out a chair, and paying for dinners. But until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bare minimum and receiving what they ultimately want anyway – sex. Men say that it is so obvious that women hold and even own all the cards, and when they start acting like it, they will finally start getting dinner from places that do not deliver. When women stop saying that they do not need a man and that they can do it themselves, I know their “pro-women’s movement” life will change for the better.
Millie Holmes can be reached by email at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Social Media:
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